Ending the Cycle of Abusive Relationships
Ending an abusive relationship: I was in two abusive relationships many years ago. I know how the cycle is of abuse when you say to yourself that you’ve had enough and are going to leave. Then the abuser seems remorseful, apologizes, says it’ll never happen again, he loves you and then showers you with kindness. You think, “This time it’ll be different”, or “I can change him”, or “I’ll try harder and it won’t happen again.” Only to wind up back into being abused again. It can seem like a never-ending cycle and maybe you feel trapped.
You are a precious child of God who is worth so much! You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and there is nothing in the world that you could possibly do to deserve abuse! The person who is mistreating you may try to manipulate you by telling you that it’s your fault; that “if you didn’t”, or “if you would just”, then “I wouldn’t have to”. These are lies.
The person may even threaten you about leaving. Things they might say are, “If you leave, I will find you and kill you,” or “If I can’t have you, no one can”. They might tell you other lies such as, “No one else would ever want you”, or “I can’t live without you.”
Please try to hold on to the truth of how much you are worth and these are just lies to manipulate you into staying. Even if they believe what they are saying, it doesn’t make it true.
If you have been physically abused, call the police! Follow through and press charges. Then you will need to get a restraining order so he can’t come near you. Some men may still try to contact you or see you in spite of a restraining order often times attempting to make promises of it never happening again. But if you let them convince you, please, believe me, it most likely will happen again.
It’s time to break the cycle. Find a safe place to stay – if you don’t think you know anyone personally who can help you there are women’s services and shelters that will.
I know how hard this can all be, but once you’ve been out of the situation you will have a clearer perspective of how destructive and dangerous this relationship has been for you. Counseling can be very helpful. It’s helped me tremendously!
I escaped my abusers and eventually met a wonderful man who treated me with a great deal of love and respect. I was married to him for 19 years before he passed away. We had a mutually supportive relationship and I learned that I deserved the loving, gentle way he treated me. This could just as easily happen for you!
This is not to say that you need to be in a relationship in order to find happiness and peace. Ultimately, God provides that and He loves you so much and you can learn to love yourself!