Meier Clinics Moment – September 27, 2024
Focus on the Family Counseling Staff
Think of a time someone asked you a great question — one that made you feel seen and understood. Because of how someone took an interest in you and listened to your response, you knew that your emotions, perspectives, and experiences mattered.
That’s the power of a good question. And we, too, have the potential to encourage others through good questions.
The value of good questions
God created humans as physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual beings. Every person is made in God’s image. One aspect of that truth is that we’re made for relationship with God and with the people He places in our lives. We each have emotions, fears, hopes, and spiritual questions that can be wisely explored within the context of meaningful relationships.
Good questions create safety and respect
Respect takes intention and effort. Asking good questions builds understanding, encourages openness, and creates a safe space for vulnerability — all of which convey respect.
Good questions show that we value the individual we’re talking with. Good questions express healthy curiosity about someone’s life and well-being because we view that person as a story waiting to be told. We see them as a soul waiting to connect with their Creator.
When we demonstrate care and attention to establishing a strong relationship, we are loving our neighbors as ourselves.
Good questions also benefit the asker
Asking genuine, heartfelt, non-agenda-driven questions (and listening well to answers) is a skill. As we practice the art, we reveal that we’re a learner — that we want to develop a well-rounded understanding of who someone really is instead of relying on assumptions.
Humble, thoughtful conversations can set a foundation to build new friendships and deepen long-term relationships. And the give-and-take of belonging and connection, where both people invest in each other’s journey, are essential for physical and mental health.
Keys to asking good questions
Two keys to valuable conversations are asking well-paced questions and truly listening to the replies. Being quick to hear and slow to speak is a sure way to build up a budding or well-established relationship.
Questions can be about daily interests (What did you watch on TV last night?) or deep topics (What do you think when you hear the word “eternity”?). You can even say, Tell me more about that. Asking open-ended questions encourages others to share experiences and emotions.
The most important goal, says author and speaker Dr. Heather Holleman, is “to create warm, meaningful connections.” Some ideas to get started are listed below. Then check out Holleman’s suggestions for follow-up questions.
- What’s good today? What’s hard today?
- What’s the story behind that great coat?
- Are you a winter person?
- Who did you go to the game with?
- Did anything surprise you about your trip?
Learn more
For a deeper dive into the power of asking good questions, listen to our shows Connecting With Others in Meaningful Relationships and Deepening Your Relationships With Thoughtful Conversations. We also recommend Heather Holleman’s book The Six Conversations.
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Focus on the Family’s Counseling Staff is a group of highly experienced, state-licensed clinicians and pastoral counselors who specialize in addressing personal and family issues from a biblical perspective. Integrating faith into daily life, a high regard for the Word of God, and a commitment to serve others with compassion are deep passions for this team as they conduct up to 1,500 phone consults each month. Focus on the Family offers free consultation through 1-855-771-HELP and referrals for more in-depth care through Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network. Focus has enjoyed a long and valued referral relationship with Meier Clinics and other like-minded agencies who serve the cause of Christ in their clinical work.
