The unconscious mind is continuously processing information that is obtained overtly and covertly. Often, we may not be aware of the source of information that creates or influences our behaviors and choices because it was obtained covertly. Part of the work that we do in our therapy is to discover the internal information and examine it to determine if the information is based in truth or “felt truth.” When working with a skilled therapist, this process can seem “easy” however, when working on our own, this process can be very difficult. One of the ways to begin the process when alone is to perform a “Reality Check” reminding ourselves that we are an adult and can have domain over our choices. 5-7 concrete facts in a row spoken aloud to our subconscious can facilitate grounding for our adult self when examining our potentially wounded childish self.
There are many forms of tools that can be used for grounding, this is one that has been shown to be effective.
Reality Check:
- I am ____________ (state name)
- Today’s date is __________ (Never guess this, always look to confirm before stating)
- I am at ____________ (state location)
- I am ________ years old
- I am an adult (over the age of 18)
- I can choose my response
- I can choose _____________ (a response that is helpful in the situation)
When communicating, the way we respond or react is always a choice. Learned speech and thought habits will affect our ability to make a choice that is a response and not a reaction. In any given situation it is important to evaluate whether instinct is driving the behavior or choice. So, let us make sure to develop and practice the beneficial response habits listed in the left column as opposed to the non-beneficial ones listed to the right. When we “blow it”, let us ask forgiveness of God and each other. (Suggestion: Put the “Responding” list some place where you can see it. Read it daily and commit it to memory so you will be “re-programed” to make responsive choices when relating.)
| Responding | Reacting |
| · Listen carefully before leaping | · Leap before listening |
| · Stop and think | · Acting out before thinking |
| · Take time away (pause/reflect/pray) | · Take no prisoners (blame/shame) |
| · We’re in this together | · I will win or make you out-lose me |
| · “Thy will be done” | · “My will be done” |
| · Humble myself | · Humiliate you |
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work…
If one falls down, his friend can pick him up…
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm…
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves…
A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Eccl. 4:9-12
Lilla Marie, LMHC is the director of Meier Clinics location in Bothell, WA. She has also taught at Northwest University in the CAPS and Master’s programs. When she is not directing or teaching, she can be found “living the life” with her husband and cat, gardening, reading, or discovering new recipes to test on the unsuspecting.
