Successis sometimes defined as “reaching a particular goal, achieving a desired end, and relishing victory over defeat.” However, success is often found in the process rather than a single destination. And just think how far you’ve come as you’ve confronted your spouse’s sexual sin. Most importantly, you have given God room to work. You have given your marriage a chance. And hopefully, as a result, you and your spouse are working toward restoring your marriage.
But even if your spouse hasn’t yet joined you on this journey, don’t give up. When we call on God in days of trouble, He will answer, even when we don’t know how (Psalm 86:7). Pursue each day in ways that redirect your worries and reignite your worship. “Fear not tomorrows, child of the King, trust them with Jesus, do the next thing.”
As you move through the days, weeks, months, and years ahead, revisit the following points often.
Evaluate your support system
You and your spouse will still need significant support going forward. From time to time, intentionally evaluate your support system and how it’s functioning based on changing needs. Periodic adjustments are necessary and beneficial for different seasons of life. Stay aware and avoid stagnant relationships within your support system.
Believe in God’s amazing plan
There’s no limit to the heights a husband and wife can reach in love for one another if they pursue recovery as a couple. Once you experience God’s true design for authentic marital intimacy, you won’t want to go back to the lackluster version of marriage you lived with before. In fact, many couples are overwhelmed as they begin to realize the enormity of God’s love. For the first time, they are choosing to open their hearts fully. In turn, they realize a renewed love for each other. As you and your spouse heal and grow individually and together, you’ll be able to create a new vision for your marriage.
Understand the meaning of success
Success means that you can face future life hurdles on the new foundation you’re building. You’ve likely formed many personal successes over these past months, and we hope you’ve also seen them in your marriage. You may even be on your way to a finish line when you can celebrate the realization of God’s work and redemption through this trial.
Believe that the process is worth the investment
The process of recovery and restoration is never easy for either spouse. And there will be times when it’s downright painful. But it will also be the most worthwhile project you ever undertake. No matter the outcome for your marriage, remember that God is with you, and He is for you. He can see the end even when you can’t. He is good all the time. Trust in Him to make a way for you today and in the future.
These principles are drawn from the book Aftershock: Overcoming His Secret Life with Pornography—A Plan for Recovery by Joann Condie and Geremy Keeton.